The Ballad of “Black Friday!” – The Madness of Materialism
The Madness of Materialism:
Buying Binge & Shopper’s Bulge
Come ye shoppers, heed the call.
Come running to the shopping mall.
Come ye shoppers,
short, stout, skinny, tall,
bring loads of money…money
& spend it all.
Buy on credit, by check or with cash;
it’s a buying binge & buying bash.
Come right now, be ye young or old,
be ye bashful or bold,
come ye now, sample the wares,
touch, taste, and feel the goods…
and then buy them all…
Empty the shelves,
clear out the stores
from wall to wall…
Discounts? No problem!
Everything’s on sale.
It’s a buying blizzard,
and a shopping gale.
Come on in,
don’t pause to think…
the water is fine;
you’ll drift in the wind…
you’ll be awash, and moved along
by waves upon waves
of the mad shopping throngs…
while endlessly being “entertained “
by a holiday music and songs…
You might get trapped , tripped up…or trampled…
You might end up looking a bit disheveled, roughed up,
tattered, torn, tired, exhausted, weary and worn…
bullied, beaten, bruised, bumped, and shambled…
You might get yelled at…even knocked to the floor…
You might get gripped, groped or grabbed,
but you will, of course, neither flounder nor sink!
Just be careful that what you bought…
ends up where you want it!
Be careful…while all your purchases
to your car are being lugged…
While inside you were mobbed,
outside you might just get mugged!
Therefore, be clever, come early,
be the first in line!
Come on in, we’ll float you a loan:
More things to have,
ore things to own.
Fill your basket,
load up your shopping cart.
Don’t be late, get a running start.
Everything must go,
so clear the shelves.
Join in the fierce fighting “fun,”
and enjoy yourselves.
Shoppers push & buyers shove.
They grab and snatch
from right to left,
from below or above.
It is a wonder that in this mad rush
no-one gets injured or killed
in the dangerous crush.
Get ye two for the price of one!
Don’t stop now ‘til the debt deed is done!
“Blue light specials” & bargains galore,
tease and tempt you to buy more,
more, & still more…
Can’t resist the buying urge
and the shoppers’ itch?
Just want to spend, splish-splash, and splurge?
Not even worried about
a sly “bait & switch,
while a “good deal” might look like “a steal?”
Whenever lured by the promise
of “a great deal,”
do you rush right out
to zoom in like a zealot with zeal?
You think you’ll improve
your credit rating,
if you eagerly respond
to clever, coy, calculated,
well-planned buyer baiting?
Do you believe in
“Your credit score,”
which merely encourages you
to go deeper in debt even more?
Of course there is an alternative
to shopping at the mall.
For this you do not ever
have to leave your house at all.
In true couch-potato comfort,
while sipping martinis with glee,
you can make your selections
by remote control on TV…
and then submit your order
and your payment right from
your laptop or your PC…
Just call the number on the screen,
and you’ll see with what ease,
some sales bimbo with a sultry voice
is right here…at your service,
most eager to please.
She’ll call you “honey,”
and, of course: “my dear,”
in sweet lilting, soothing tones,
most pleasant to the ear.
You quickly surrender
to buy more than you need,
and she sucks out your money
with credit card speed.
Are you of the type
without want or care…
but you swallow the bait,
and you take on the dare?
You might just suddenly find
there are no coins left in your till,
when you’re challenged
to pay up and to settle your bill.
Don’t become a greedily grinning,
bloated and gloating glutton!
Buyers bulge = empty purse!
Merchants, marketers, advertisers are clever scheme schemers.
They’ll do whatever it takes…
and that includes:
the honest, the hard-working, the decent,
but also charlatans, frauds, and fakes…
to get you to come into their business abodes…
to see what they have to offer
in heaps, by the tons, in big colorful boxes
or enticing gift bags,
by incredible loads…
Cash registers are ringing,
songs of sought-after sizzling sales singing,
masses of anticipated profits bringing!?
Alas, in the process,
in these mad materialistic proceedings,
the confounded and often confused consumer,
has his usually fashionable style
crinch-crunched and crumbled,
and often is left feeling to have been duped,
humped, humiliated, and humbled.
Therefore, be guided by free will;
resist the temptation,
the shopping curse!
consume with great care.
be wise, be prudent, be sensible!
Don’t be a fool or a slave,
chained, fastened, and fettered…
Don’t fall for the trades’
multiple myriad tricks…
(particularly by the sleazy & slimy)
by the sly and the slick,
with their clever sales’ sayings,
doing their dutiful “sticks!”!
Don’t allow yourself to be lured
by the lilting songs of luxury,
the tempting, teasing of too many toys…
enticed or entrapped
by the seller knave…
Don’t become a victim
of the madness of materialism.
You’re rapidly accumulating
massive mountains of “stuff,”
mainly trivia and trinkets,
and mostly just fluff…
which in due course invariably will end up
offered as basement-bargains in yard sales…
or on a big landfills,
those vast dirty dumps sites,
used and reduced as trash…
for which you labored so long…
and spent all your hard-earned cash!
Buy only what you really, clearly,
absolutely, and actually need.
And if not now exhausted
from reading all this…
totally tiresome epic…
if you really care for yourself,
my well-meaning advice, gladly given,
nevertheless please do heed.
Gerhard A Fürst
March 27, 2006
(Edited on “Black Friday”
All these clever cartoons were craftily borrowed.
Loud Cheers and loads of thanks to all the superbly creative cartoon artists!
Poem not for commercial purposes!